There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
