I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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