She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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