I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
