If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
