What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
