she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
