Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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