I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize