Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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