i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
