Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
