he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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