just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So vagazzling was a success
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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