So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
