I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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