you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
