How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
