Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize