You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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