i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
