another moral hangover. fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm too high and old for this...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
