I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
