all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
