Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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