Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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