I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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