I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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