Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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