Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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