miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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