She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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