Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
