My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
