Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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