I accidentally had phone sex last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
nutella sex= disaster
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
