its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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