420 ftw
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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