So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
