can we get nightvision for the apartment?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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