Even the bartender felt bad for me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
