Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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