take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
