If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
