i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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