Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
