I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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