Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
