whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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