cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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