Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
