i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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