I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
