when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How does it feel to date your dad?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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