Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize