I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
