We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
