I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
