You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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