Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can't motorboat a personality
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
