there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
