the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
