I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
