Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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