Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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