Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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