you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
