Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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