I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
